Tag Archives: marriage

A Wedding in five acts

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Act I scene I The Protagonists

Lisa and I were introduced to Alison Larson just prior to our own
wedding. Alison felt like family from the start. Alison is smart,
kind, capable and strong; much like the women of her new family.
Alison would most likely would define herself with a sports
metaphor-preferably something to do with the Minnesota Twins. It is
said that a parent’s greatest joy is in the good character of their
child; Alison’s mother and father must smile a lot. We liked Alison
immediately-even before she became family.

Act I scene II The Protagonists

Derek Walseth was the nephew of Lisa Walseth until she and I married;
now he’s my nephew too. Lisa and I often compare him to the character
of Jeff Bingham from the television series “Rules of Engagement.”
This character is something of a modern caveman however he is also
the coolest caveman you’ll ever meet. Derek makes being himself look
effortless, which is because he is genuine. I liked Derek
immediately-even before we were family.

Act II The Ceremony

Alison and Derek married at Zion Lutheran Church. Alison beamed as
she and her father strolled down the aisle to meet Derek. I don’t
believe I have ever seen as consistently tall a wedding party in my
life. The ceremony was just right and had the usual outcome. Pastor
Golv spoke directly about marriage and gave specific instructions to
make marriage successful followed by the vows and lighting of the
unity candle. The brevity of ceremony and temperature of the church
made for an attentive and alert congregation.

Act III The Party

After the wedding, we stopped at the American Legion for some
pre-celebration before attending the reception at the Ralph Engelstad
Arena. We arrived at the Imperial Ballroom for a full meal which
slowed the lovely little beer-buzz I had coaxed from the afternoon.
It was a great meal after which the anticipation for the evenings
program was built with each chair and table removed from the dance
floor. The Best Man and Maid of Honor spoke for Derek and Alison in
ways that were both charming and witty. I think people are a bit more
sophisticated nowadays as I always remembered these speeches as
semi-legible ramblings forced upon unwilling orators. Mother Walseth
was in the thick of the dance floor and danced several times with one
of the groomsmen who, despite their difference in age, could
potentially become my new step-father in-law.

Act IV The Puppy Bowl

During the Super Bowl, the Animal Planet Channel presents something
called “the Puppy Bowl.” It is a miniature stadium with puppies
running around after a tiny football and is incredibly entertaining.
The first dancers on the dance floor Saturday night at the Imperial
Ballroom were many of the children in attendance. It was sweet,
clumsy, entertaining and set a nice tone for the evening and it
really reminded me of the Puppy Bowl.

Act V The announcement

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce to you, for the first
time in this column, Mr and Mrs Derek Walseth-husband and wife.

The Week in Review

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This week I want to comment on a few current events. The first topic
is grim but the second will help end the column on a good note.

Osama Bin Laden was disposed of this past week which was a tremendous
accomplishment to the safety of the United States. Bin Laden was
unique in that he was not a crazy, foaming at the mouth, mindless
drone of a terrorist. He was educated, wealthy and a good planner; he
planned the three thousand deaths and accompanying destruction that
occurred in New york in 2001. He also had the contacts to raise any
money he didn’t have to create terror and death among Christians and
Muslims, even those in his host country of Pakistan. I have heard
some people worry that the United States is in even greater danger
because Bin Laden’s followers will try to exact revenge in the name
of the Al Qaeda leader. While this may have a bit of truth in the
short haul, the truth is that inspiration for hatred against America
goes deeper than the feeling members of Al Qaeda had for their
leader. These folks have twisted their very own faith into something
that allows them to kill others in the name of religion. They already
hate us because we are Christians and to back away from the task of
eliminating their leadership would only lead them to believe we are
weak Christians. Peace through acquiescence is slavery, I would
rather die fighting than live on my knees. Also, I have heard a few
celebrities and talking heads praising our national leadership for
writing Bin Laden’s final chapter, well forget that-thank the
soldiers who probably make less than you do for keeping you safe.

On a happier note was the marriage of Catherine Middleton and Prince
William, Duke of Cambridge. No marriage is greater than another,
however this marriage was seen across the world which allowed it to
inspire a greater number of people. It seems we are picking our way
through some dark times today and it is nice to see that love and the
human spirit persist. There is nothing like the courage of a young
couple, joining to make themselves stronger than the sum of their
parts, to make us believers. I watched the wedding which was grand in
scale but fairly simple in construction. It reminded me of any two
people who’ve decided to pursue life together and I felt elevated
after they’d rode away in their carriage together. I think the world
needs this kind of juice to make it through times that seem loveless
and empty. It may also be that my sentiment has come forward as we
are attending the wedding of our nephew Derek Walseth and Alison
Larson this week-end. These two hold a very warm place in our hearts
and brought Lisa and I much happiness when they announced their
intentions to wed. I suspect it will be a day that elevates and
reminds us of the day we were married.

That’s my take on the world. It’s been a good week.

Saturday Night in Five Acts

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Saturday Night in Five Acts

Act I The Politics of a Saturday Night

How Lisa and I decide Saturday Night activities is generally based on the 24 hours prior to and the the 24 hours that follow. Friday’s beer and cigarettes make for a Saturday with neither. If we are expected somewhere Sunday then we will be nowhere Saturday night. Our decisions are neither democratic nor autocratic, there are abundantly apparent to both and therefore require no vote.

Act II Red Lake Falls

Last Saturday we decided to visit nearby Red Lake Falls, Minnesota. Our last visit to Red Lake Falls was for a wedding and we happened upon another as we drove through town. The bride was beautiful and striking (Lisa’s words, not mine-I pretended not to notice) and her groom looked so young. I held my breath as the sight pressed my empathy button. Lisa and I both thought of how much is expected of a young married couple and how much they can expect from those around them. We could imagine the plans that lay ahead for the young couple; a honeymoon (Jamaica, of course,) a new unaffordable house, a baby which would result in the bride leaving her job to stay at home while the groom started a second job with its increased tension at home and pretty soon they would be in counseling. Life can be so complicated, we decided to let them have their night before reality arrived in the mail marked, “overdue.”

Act III Huot Park

My first visit to Huot Park just south of Dorothy, Minnesota came during a tractorcade several years ago. The park is beautiful and steeped in the history of hunting, trapping and the rendezvous. We drove through the park and back to what I believe is the actual Huot town site. Lovely, well-kept houses sat in the balcony to watch the show presented by the Red Lake River. There contrast of the river in relief to the green surroundings is so crisp and beautiful.

Act IV Huot Cemetery

We found Huot Cemetery just outside of the town site. I could tell it was old. We pulled off to the side of the road so I could look at the grave stones. These people died in 1895, 1902 and 1946. There was a single head-stone marking the southwest corner boundary of the cemetery all by itself; maybe a bachelor who never found someone to share a plot. It seemed sad. One of Lisa’s buddies said she had been to the cemetery when she was younger and still thought about how many babies expressed their families sorrow with a small parcel of disturbed ground and headstone. I was touched by the whole experience and when we arrived in Dorothy, I thought the mix of deserted buildings and residences seemed eerie. Dorothy is one of those towns that is so small and intimate that you should call before you pass through; we drove by at about seven that night and I felt like we were trespassing.

Act V Matt and Angie

The last time we were in Red Lake Falls was for Matt and Angie’s wedding in June. Last week, seeing the young couple arrive at their reception reminded me of the Bruggeman’s. Lisa and I could have visited them that night but they had recently moved and are now lake people;they wear sandals and shorts and plan pontoon trips. Matt tried to invite us tubing earlier this summer but I declined for the same reason I rarely fly for pleasure, neither procedure allows for reverse. I don’t show my feet to anyone but my wife and fear drowning so we will wait until the cold and snow of winter puts us all into the same frame of mind; a trip to the Island-the one in our kitchen.

Wedding Day

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Lisa and I attended the wedding of Angie Zak and Matt Bruggeman last Friday in Red Lake Falls, Minnesota. Matt honored me with a request to be a groomsman and so once again I amazed those who measured me for a tuxedo with the fact that I am square.

The wedding was really lovely; Angie made everything simple and elegant. Angie was a beautiful bride while Matt was; well Matt managed to button his shirt correctly with minimal help (just kidding Mattrick.)

I like to be included with any Bruggeman function as the boys and I are like brothers. They are such a close family and even being “like” their brother feels good. I felt proud to be with them and even better when my wife arrived prior to the service to watch us “cannonball” ham buns during the pre-matrimonial feed.

After the service, the wedding party, which numbered over 20, arrived via limousine. I got a little nostalgic on the ride and started taking little mental snapshots for one day when I am old; a freshly-wedded new couple in absolute bliss, Angie’s family and friends and the unbridled, tone-deaf splendor of us all singing along to “Home Sweet Home” in our best-dressed falsettos. It was a unique day that I will re-live but not live again.

My definition of a God smack is a revelation of thought that can vary from a gentle pat on the rear end to an open-handed smack to the head. I have received several of these over time and they are invariably helpful. Every relationship needs the occasional god-smack to keep it moving in the right direction. During the wedding of Matt and Angie, they were asked by Father Huck to hold hands. As most men lose maturity with age, all the groomsmen laughed at Matt’s public show of affection for Angie. Father Huck noticed this and sent us each on a quest to find our spouse, be seated by them and join the bridal couple in spirited hand-holding during his homily.

Father Huck then took each of us, joined at the hand, through a primer on marriage. He didn’t talk only about the work but how to accomplish the work of a successful couple. He said to pray for your spouse and for your marriage. I thought about how nice it was to see my wife in the basement of the church just prior to the service and how proud I was of her. I was sitting at a table across from Frank Bruggeman so he saw Lisa first. I felt a rush of happiness when Frank greeted Lisa with, “Hi Leeseycakes.” The revelation I received from this day was not the excitement I felt when my wife was nearby and it wasn’t that I love Lisa because I know these things. My God smack was that I chose to love Lisa several years ago and that had been an excellent choice.

It’s a good day when two people choose to join together in love for everyone to see. It is even better when they spread that love around through everyone touched by the event. Congratulations Angie and Matt; you accomplished both.
 

Love and Marriage

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I still enjoy re-runs of the television show “Married with Children.”
The title song for this series was Frank Sinatra’s, “Love and
Marriage” which, despite its comical intent, recently made me think
about the relationship between the choice of love and the act of
marriage.

I freed myself of the concept of love as being mere infatuation
several years ago. Prior to this time, I chased from one failed
relationship to another until I came to the conclusion that I would
simply enjoy a full, lonely portion of life and not share it with
anyone. Two weeks after I had buried my hopes for this immature love in the cemetery of
childish things I’d yet to put aside, I met Lisa. Lisa was patient
and kind with me, she let me grow into our relationship. If love is
truly patient, kind and never jealous then maybe love is not a thing
but rather a series of characteristics in which deep trust and
affection can grow and exist.

If we humans have the power to chose, then we may choose to grow the
characteristics that are love’s nitrogen. Perhaps it is here that we
can understand love; it is a choice. It is a series of decisions to
make ourselves worthy of trust and affection and able to give those
things back. Make no mistake, I fell for Lisa the second I saw her
beautiful smile and brown eyes. However, my love for Lisa was a
conscious decision in that I recognized her as someone who was
patient enough to give me time for growth, kind enough to love my
flawed self and a person who would choose to enjoy my success as her
own and not envy it. Lisa and I typically choose to forgive quickly and
unconditionally, which allows our relationship to move forward
instead of crushing it under the weight of bitterness. If you cannot
choose to forgive, you cannot choose to love.

My first thoughts of marriage were about the actual wedding day.
While the wedding is a big day in any marriage, it is still just one
day of a long career. A marriage is actually a civil contract in which you give your word to follow its terms. Some would say it attaches strings to love; I would say it is the greatest freedom. After you
are wed, you are free to completely trust the person who has your
best interests in mind as your futures are now one. Marriage grants
you the freedom to claim another as wholly yours and not feel
possessive as you are also wholly theirs. In the wedding vows you
agree to love your partner in sickness and in health, which has a
hidden benefit. If we truly only know God when we are meek and frail then is it such a leap to find we know our spouse more deeply when we need them during the times when we’re sick? The marriage vows are not something made to control people; they are borders in which
you can exercise artistic freedom to make you’re relationship unique.
The vows of a marriage ceremony are also a map to guide married
couples who’ve lost “true north” and for whom divorce seems like the
only path.

Love is not some fragile thing and neither is marriage. “Married with Children,” the television show that got me started on this column often made fun of love, marriage and even family. However, it often returned to the conclusion that no matter how bad life became, even the worst example of manhood, Al Bundy, would admit that he loves his wife and that he is definitely, “married with children.” Man, I find inspiration for these stories in the weirdest places.