Monthly Archives: December 2011

Letter to Dave

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Dear Dave,

 

We are a fortunate family in that we’ve experienced mostly good health and happiness. The one thing we have lacked is a real, true celebrity in our midst; a fact which recently changed. Lisa was watching the evening news on channel 8 when she saw a familiar face, you wife Mary. I think the story was about Christmas present returns or something like that and there was a short clip of Mary during the segment. Dave, this is the kind of spontaneous notoriety people search for all of their life. You and Mary must take advantage of this new found celebrity and release a perfume or perhaps a line of clothing. A reality show would be good form also. Oh, that’s right, you both already have a life and dignity-I guess being famous for being famous won’t work for you.

 

You and I both like to scan farm classifieds on the internet. Although most farmers are pretty tame, I do see real, brazen acts of salesmanship every once in awhile on the classified sites. Recently, I saw one person was advertising a four wheel-drive tractor which had been “converted” to two wheel-drive. As four wheel-drive is much preferred to only two wheels driving, this is similar to “converting” an automobile into a bicycle. You’ve got to give him an “A” for effort and a wink and a nod for salesmanship, however.

 

Our brother, Darrel, recently finished up installing a new clutch on my tractor. It worked out almost perfect as he delivered it to our little farm less than 24 hours after my skid steer died. We simply unloaded the tractor and loaded the skid steer back up for a ride to his shop for repair. I will now focus over the next few weeks on breaking some other piece of machinery prior to the skid steer’s return so Darrel does not have to return to Argyle empty-handed. Never have costly breakdowns been so convenient-or fun.

 

I hope your Christmas was-well, how about celebratory. We enjoyed ours and regret not attending the Nelson’s family gathering however the Monday after Christmas was my day to work. I have enjoyed being “off-shift” during Christmas the last few years, however leap year will nudge me right back into working both Christmas and Christmas Eve’ in 2012. It is the one holiday during which I really want to be home but we will work around it.

 

If you noticed, Dave, I used the word “Christmas” seven times so far in this letter. I figured I should try use it as often as possible before I am silenced by the same crowd who wants the phrase “under God” removed from the Pledge of Allegiance. I’ve found each time I utter the word “Christmas,” the politically-correct crowd scream like they’ve had holy water thrown upon them. It is my way of letting them know I will not let them have a crack at my other cheek when they take a slap at our country and our many cultures with their cold, faithless and divisive words.

 

Merry Christmas, Dave

 

you’re little bro

Christmas in Five Acts

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Act I Lazy Christmas

My work ethic has not shown itself this Christmas. I am unusually lazy
and have not done much about the season. Lisa did most of the
decorating and I only recently began buying presents. Maybe it is the
lack of snow, maybe it is the fact I have been working nights for
better than three months and have finally become numb. It’s kind of a
shame, I usually try baking something different each year or
performing some act that makes it memorable, so far I’ve just-slept.

Act II Waking up

I realized when I awoke yesterday afternoon that I needed to get busy
or Christmas may pass by me without notice. Now, I have ruminated
fairly often about the birth of Jesus and the true meaning of
Christmas so I’ve got that going for me. However, I do enjoy other
traditions that remind me to remember the season. I’ve ordered most
of my Christmas gifts and recently dug through a closet for the toy
train we use to circle the Christmas tree. I am that sleeping giant who has now awakened and is filled with-Christmas cheer.

 


Act III The Card


Lisa and I have always been fairly reactive as far as giving Christmas cards. Recently we have become quite proactive about sending cards which has been an adjustment for me. It is almost as though we’ve gone from being the people who arrive late to church and sneak into the back pew to jumping around up front with a tambourine. This is mostly Lisa’s doing and it’s actually quite nice. If you wonder why I have not been more involved then please reference act one, Lazy Christmas.

 

Act IV The Gift

 

I recently recognized this impostor of a winter as my newest, bestest friend. It is a fantastic gift.
I know there are those who pine away for a “white Christmas” and wish
to feel the nostalgia of standing at their window and watching the
snow fall softly upon a scene normally seen only printed upon
Christmas wrapping. I would ask them to look deeper into that scene
for the guy clearing snow from the sidewalk and road, that guy is me.
I am satisfied with a Christmas of any color and prefer brisk to bone
chilling cold.

 

Act V The Animals

 

I was thinking about the Christmas story. There is much to consider but I thought about how an angel of the Lord came to the shepherds and told them about the birth of Jesus. This reminded me of how often a parable is used in the bible and God is the shepherd and we his flock. I think God likes those who tend animals and that the relationship between man and beast is an excellent example of love. It is with this in mind that I ask you this Christmas to reach out to local pet shelters and experience the love of a pet. Please remember that any good relationship takes work and effort and that you cannot adopt a pet, tie it to a tree in the back yard and expect everything to be good. The quality of friendship with your pet is a good indicator of your development as a human and in how you treat the world. As Christmas is the story of love I believe God watches us to see how we live this story and how we love the most helpless of our relationships-our pets. Remember, “Inasmuch as ye did it unto one of these my brethren, even the least, ye did it unto me.”

A Matter of Faith

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I see our country still has a problem with Christmas. Some schools call their Christmas programs “informances” while others institutions quickly cover their mouths in shame if they happen to include”Merry Christmas.” in their literature or advertising. This is a situation which needs to end.

 

We have Holidays throughout the year (Memorial Day, Independence Day, etc) however there is only one time of the year in which we gather (or mass) for Christ (get it? Christmas!) This Holiday is a gathering for Christ and is not similar to other Holidays in that it was not created to sell greeting cards or to celebrate a human accomplishment. It is a day set-aside to remember the birthday of Jesus Christ.

 

Let’s say the birth of a beloved family member was celebrated by you and your siblings in different ways but you all still celebrated it. Now let’s say your neighbor felt left out because they didn’t believe in celebrating birthdays and wanted to make sure you couldn’t celebrate either. The first thing they would do is make sure you couldn’t celebrate at any institution in which they had an interest and then they would strong-arm businesses into believing no one would purchase from the business if they happened to tell your family member “Happy birthday!” How would that make you feel? Next, these manipulative neighbors would begin to demand from their elected officials that they not allow any birthday parties for anyone. They would create laws that steal freedom instead of protecting freedom.

 

What is quite clear to me is that our country has got a pretty bad case of political correctness. “Political correctness” is a disease which causes institutions and groups of people to try to eliminate every difference among cultures or people so that no one is ever offended. Our country has been built upon a shared language, a shared belief in freedom but with acceptance and protection of different cultural and religious belief. The truth is that most people are not offended by the religious celebrations of another culture, however some people say it offends them, then threaten a lawsuit in order to eliminate these celebrations. Most of these people have no faith or religion and will use any argument to eliminate what is beyond their understanding. They believe in themselves instead of God and want the validation of law to prove themselves correct, at least in their own eyes. I would much rather share time with someone who has faith in a higher power, even if it’s different than mine, than with someone who has none at all. The politically correct have tried to make Christmas a battle between religions when in truth it is a battle between the faithful and the faithless. The faithful do not insist the faithless change however the opposite is not true. All faiths must stand up to both the manipulators and the manipulated or we will all one day worship Santa Claus and Jesus will be seen as a “quaint old tradition.”

 

Finally, I will speak for those who cannot. There are people who are not allowed to offer a Christmas salutation at work and dare not complain for fear of reprimand while others do so freely without any threat. Also I have noticed that some schools still offer a Christmas program instead of an “informance” and yet the ground which supports the school’s foundation has not yet opened up and swallowed the school. I wonder why in one state Christmas celebration protocols differ so greatly among these businesses and institutions which exist because of the purchases we make or the tax dollars we pay. Perhaps it is time for the majority of us who peacefully accept each others’ belief in God to remember it is not only the loud voices who need be heard. Perhaps it is a matter of faith. Merry Christmas.

Five Acts of Winter Survival

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Act I The talk
It’s time for that talk; not the post-pubescent, pre-teen one
everybody dreads and few perform. This is not the talk about “bird
and bees,” it’s the talk about surviving winter in Minnesota.

Act II Preparation

A failure to prepare is preparation for failure. I spend a good
portion of my day checking on the weather. I check forecasts on the
radio, television, internet and newspaper. The down side of this is
that people constantly ask me about the weather, it is like being an
informational cuckoo clock. Part of preparation for me is that I check the road
conditions when I start any trip by accelerating to about 20-25 miles
per hour then apply my brakes softly at first and progressively
harder until I either lose contact with the road or come to a stop.
Neither my wife nor I drive much faster than 45 miles per hour on icy
roads and we are constantly passed by folks either talking on their
cell phones or who perhaps originate from an enclave of zombies (i.e.
zombies are mindless.)

Act III Are you experienced?

The Jimmie Hendrix classic “Are you experienced?” has always been a
mystery to me; even after I read the lyrics. However, I could answer
the question, “is it safe to drive?” with this simple, three-word
lyric. Road safety is based more on driver experience than weather
conditions-I regularly drive on county road #7 and to the
inexperienced driver it would be a task akin to sailing a rowboat
through volcanic lava. There are times, however, when road and
weather conditions combine to create a situation where no one should
venture further than their own front door. You have to evaluate your
own skills and compare them to the road condition, that’s how you know if it is safe
to drive.

Act IV Weather Forecasts

Television weather forecasts have become an overly dramatic, dire,
romance novel, end of the world opus constructed through the
creativity of whatever meteorologist you happen to watch. I have
happened into the middle of one of these little intense soliloquies
and believed them to be announcing a terrorist attack only to find they
are simply forecasting freezing rain. I hate it when television
weathercasters refer to snow as “shovel trouble.” I heard one such type refer to a
forecast of two inches of snow as “shovel trouble.” Really? That
much snow is barely “broom trouble.” I tire of these attempts to
titillate me with such “exciting” weather. I prefer local radio or
the more sedate WDAZ broadcast to the nice haircuts and
mispronunciation of local town names I find at other places.

Act V Public Service Announcement

Get educated about winter and you will fear it less. Start by
reading the paper and listening to local radio. I would also check
www.weather.gov for a sane, sensible weather forecast plus a fair
amount of weather information. Before you take to the roads, try
www.511mn.org on the internet or dial 511 from any phone, it is a
local call. Finally if you want to inoculate yourself from trouble on
the winter roads, the please slow down, even slower than you think
you should. Let the cell phone zombies pass you on the ice, for they
know no better.

A Christmas Story

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My holiday traditions differ from many, I work a lot of holidays so I have to be a little flexible. I celebrated Thanksgiving this year by changing oil in my truck and typically ring in the new year by packing something special in my lunch for work. The one Christmas tradition that has followed me from home to work and back is watching 24 hours of “A Christmas Story.”

 

“A Christmas Story” is a movie based on Jean Shepherd’s novel, “In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash.” In the movie, we follow along during the weeks leading up to Parker’ family Christmas. It includes so many memories that are familiar to people who grew up in that era (mid 40′s) but are particularly familiar to those of us in the Midwest. Many of us still maintain the Christmas traditions born decades ago and set aside by other areas of the United States. One of the great traditions is Ralphie writing a letter to Santa with a request for a Red Ryder BB gun. The little boy in this story goes one step further in that he also plants advertising for the BB gun in his mother’s magazine and even writes a theme about what a great gift would be the Red Ryder. I like how the movie includes the mother bundling up the boys to the point they can barely move which I remember from my own childhood. They also show the resilience of holiday traditions when the Parker Christmas dinner is eaten by an invading dogs (the Bumpus Hounds) which forces the Parkers into the only eating place not closed for Christmas, a Chinese restaurant.

 

I think that’s maybe part what gets me about “A Christmas Story,” the mix of tradition and resilience. There are so many scene’s of what we’ve come to know as Christmas, yet there are the odd few scenes that show some flexibility due to situation. I suppose I see my own situation in those scenes when I am heading for work as everyone else hunkers down on Christmas eve.

 

I found something new this year about “A Christmas Story.” In 2004, the original house in which the movie was filmed, was purchased by Brian Jones during an Ebay auction for $150,000 then renovated for another $247, 000. A Christmas Story House and Museum (www.AChristmasStoryHouse.com) is located in Cleveland, Ohio and is open year-round. The museum contains photos and props from the movie and has been remodeled to appear exactly as it was in the 1983 feature. Jones also owns the company which produces the leg lamp from the movie which are available in the gift shop along with Red Ryder BB guns, ornaments, clothing and everything else to complete your visit. All of the cast members, with the exception of Darren McGavin-”the old man”, are still alive and sometimes appear at the museum. You can bid on a one night’s stay at the museum for the ultimate nostalgic immersion into the movie’s history.

 

I hope your Christmas is going well. Enjoy 24 hours of “A Christmas Story” this season. I have to go put my “Christmas Story” puzzle together, it came packaged in a wood box marked “fragile” which, for the uninitiated, is pronounced frah-gee’-lay.