On hiatus, abroad

 

It was in the fifteenth block of following the same car with its left blinker on that I realized something, I was in a rut. I had become so accustomed to a routine of plowing snow, feeding cattle and work that I had become Jack-you know Jack, the dull boy. I was treating the world as a warehouse and myself as a crate awaiting shipment; I needed change-I needed a trip.

One of our corn stoves required a part which was most easily and cheaply purchased in Fergus Falls, Minnesota. The rare opportunity of a juxtaposition of need, means and time had come together to offer me a brief respite from myself. I was off to the hometown of what once was the largest continuously poured concrete basement in the world (the Fergus Falls Regional Treatment Center-now closed.)

First off, I typically pine away for things of the past, however one item of any road trip has improved greatly over time-coffee. A quarter decade ago, you were subject to coffee which bore the personality of its maker. I remember the small cups, containing old coffee through which you could see the bottom of the vessel in which it was contained. Gas stations sometimes offered no coffee but instead had candy bars and cans of pop (which I rarely drink by itself) or an extensive selection (plain and barbecued) of chips from which to choose.

Today’s coffee selection shines from beautiful machines that carefully meter mixture and temperature to create the perfect cup of coffee. Even in the event the coffee isn’t perfect, it is at least consistently drinkable. The average convenience store has more creamer selection (for women and children) than most restaurant’s offered even a few years ago. My coffee stops and bathroom breaks effect each other proportionately and occur about every hour so even a short trip has several stops.

I ate in Detroit Lakes which allowed my the chance the great indulgence of a trip through Fleet Farm. We purchase almost everything locally however my trips always include a stop at any “man store.” Each store contains pretty much the same thing, however each store is arranged differently which makes it seem fresh, kind of like when your wife tries a different hair style.

Fergus Falls was nice but, aside from the corn stove part, was little more than the southern marker of my trip around northwest Minnesota. I headed back making the same stops for coffee and a bathroom. It’s funny when you stop twice at a convenience store twice in the same day how there is the uneasy feeling between you and the store clerk about whether to act familiar or not. I typically pretend to stare at the “scratch-off” tickets (which I never buy) and wait for my change. At home I usually dump the silver I receive back into the Humane Society honor box however on the road I hoard the change until I have enough for another cup; like a bar patron who doesn’t want very good service.

I’m home now and sound from my six hour travels abroad. I am less the dull boy I was prior to my trip and have an awakened lust for travel. That seals it, my next trip will must contain even greater adventure, stronger coffee and more frequent bathroom breaks. Next stop, Carrington.

Woofstock; in five acts

Act I The Contract

When man domesticated certain animals, he became part of a contract.
This contract states that by taming certain wild animals, man removed
their ability to care for themselves and therefore became their
caretaker. Previous generations defined themselves by their
responsibilities however today some see responsibility as a yoke and
not a crown. When you see a habitually stray cat or dog, you are
seeing the failure of a human owner and the results of a person who
cares not for responsibility. It is a broken contract.

Act II Safe Harbor

Animals lost to human indifference find safety at the Pennington
County Humane Society in Thief River Falls, Minnesota. Here pets get shelter, care, food and love-then hopefully new owners. It makes me happy to see dozens of people come
to adopt the pets who are victims of high-profile animal abuse as
reported in the media. These animals have such engaging stories
however you should know that the animals you’ve never read about in a
newspaper also have stories that await a happy ending-adoption.

Act III Woofstock

“Woofstock” comes to the Eagles Club in Thief River Falls March 19th. This special day
serves to benefit the animals of the Humane Society and features a
bake sale, free-will burger meal, silent auction, a raffle and more.
You can also purchase identification tags for your pet that day. The
Pennington County Humane Society has recently incurred unexpected
expenses because of a huge influx of dogs and “Woofstock” is a fun
way to show your support of this great organization.

Act IV My Part

I plan to attend “Woofstock.” I will be selling my book “Rural
Reflections” and signing it during the event. This book is a collection of
columns I’ve chosen from 2000-2006 which I felt were my best from
time of writing for the Grand Forks Herald. The price for each book will be ten dollars and ALL money will go to benefit animals. I have a couple of hundred books left so
if I sell all of them, then approximately $2000 dollars will go to
benefit pets. Now I have the books to sell, I just need people to buy
them. I have the product to sell to benefit pets, I just need
buyers-that’s where you come into the scene. It’s all on you, cowboy;
so plan to attend “Woofstock.” You may also email me at
grantnelson@gvtel.com and I will get a book into your hands ($2 postage) if you
cannot attend March 19th.

Act V A second beneficiary

Lisa and I recently saw a story on pet oxygen masks. These masks are
now used by fire departments across the United States in the rescue
of pets who are victims of structure fires. These masks have standard
hook-ups that seamlessly work with oxygen equipment already on board
the fire truck. The kit features one oxygen mask for cats, one for
small dogs and one for larges dogs and costs about $80 with shipping.
Part of sales of my book during “Woofstock” will go towards purchase
of these masks for local fire departments. The Humane society will
handle the money and disperse the funds. If you would like to see
more about rescue oxygen masks for pets please check out
www.petoxygenmask.blogspot.com then join me at Woofstock on March
19th.

Corn burning made easy

 

We heat our house with corn; which means that our heating bill has been pretty expensive this year. Burning corn kernels for heat was really great a few years back when corn was cheap, today it just seems like a lot of work. I comfort myself with the cost by remembering how much warmer 70 degrees feels from a corn stove in comparison to a forced-air furnace. Anyway, this week I wanted to tell you about our corn heating system.

First off, I am not nuts. I don’t want hard work just for the work, I want to be paid for my labor in the form of savings or some kind of benefit. The world will never allow the hard-working farmer to become rich so eventually corn prices will come down. At that time I will once again feel the reward of cheap, room-filling heat. I have also reduced my labor will a vacuum delivery system so I have less labor to balance with reward, which is what I really want to talk about this week.

I used to carry all of our corn with a wheelbarrow then clean it with a sieve and place it in pails inside the garage. Today I usually pick-up our corn in a 300 gallon pallet tote. I can lift the tote from the pick-up and place it on the porch of our house. This technique removes the need for a storage bin, auger, gravity box and my old buddy, the wheelbarrow. I still need to move a little over six tons of corn inside the house and burn it over the course of a winter which is less work than burning wood but more that just paying a higher utility bill.

This winter I was prepared with a vacuum delivery system. Farmers would recognize this system because they use something similar when they employ a vac-u-vator to empty a grain bin. I placed a large shop-vac in the basement of our house which I can control with a remote control. I then connected the vacuum to a system of plumbing which delivers negative pressure to a chamber separated by a screen. There is an outlet on this chamber which passes through the wall of our house and into the tote of corn on the porch. The corn is then pulled up through a hose and into the chamber where small particles and dirt pass through the screen and into the vacuum cleaner. The kernels of corn hit the screen and fall into a wooden hopper inside our house where they collect until the hopper is full. I can then pull a self-cleaning, dump valve which releases corn from the hopper into a pail-clean and ready for use.

I feel so smart when I explain my little invention. The truth is that it’s simply a conglomeration of ideas I’ve discovered from farmers, the wood-milling industry and the internet. I am not a talented musician but rather the conductor who leads all of these disparate ideas into working together to make life a little easier. Now if someone could just get me corn for under two dollars, that would make life really easy.

The vacuum chamber and hopper are the heart of this systemHere is the corn tote with vacuum hose leading to the house

Here is the corn tote with vacuum hose leading to the house

A Danie Day II

“I had a Danie day,” this is a phrase that sounds innocent and maybe
even enjoyable. However, I am like the little boy who sees dead people
in the movie, “the Sixth Sense” in that I know the truth. Today I
have the far-off look of a man who’s seen too much; today I
had a “Danie Day.”

Danie Packard is my farm business management instructor through the Thief River Falls (Minnesota) Technical College and a wonderful guy. He
does the work of an interpreter as he takes the story of our farm and
translates it into a language which is international, the language of
numbers and totals. Danie takes all of my book work and condenses it
into a report which explains where we spend money and earn money on our
little farm. I would be unable to be innovative and creative without
Danie to explain my method to those who finance me. Danie is
important to me and a very talented person.

Okay, that was the disclaimer, gird your loins Packard-here it comes.
Sisyphus was a King in Greek mythology condemned to roll a mammoth
boulder up a hill, only to see it roll back down after each effort.
Sisyphus had to do this for all eternity. This is similar to a day
spent gathering financial information and completing my taxes with
Danie; it is a “Danie Day.”
It is painful, you fail just at the point of success and it lasts
eternally. I always arrive confident that my ducks are correctly
arranged. Under constant questioning, my confidence dissolves
as I forget data such as the last four digits of my social security
number and even my own middle name. It’s just that my understanding
of our farm is very concrete and real whereas putting it on paper is
very abstract. I have even felt a little sorry for myself after a
good, thorough “Danie Day;” after which, I will sometimes watch a
movie such as,
“the Grapes of Wrath,” just to remind me how good I really have it.

About noon we broke for lunch. I noticed my hands were shaking and
very nearly vibrated the contents of my sandwich onto the tray in
front of me. It was obvious that my nervous system was under a great
deal of stress. I called Lisa and got a little dose of her calm,
soothing voice which helped. There is no aspect of what I do on our
farm that is nearly as painfully boring or stressful as documenting
the act in Danie’s little office of pain. If one day of my year has
to be spent there being waterboarded with paper work, then the only
way to make up for it is that all of the rest of the days of the year
must be Christmas; complete with an endless supply of Kolache and
chocolate beer. It is the only just remedy of which I can think.

We eventually reached a completed stack of paperwork three inches
high as I felt the animation drain from my body. As I drove home, I
could see the multiple colors of the setting sun as they refracted
through the tears of my exhaustion. My shoulders ached and the inner
workings of my body were the consistency of old concrete. I had just
experienced, a “Danie Day.”