The Year in Review

Everyone amps up their nostalgia and reminisces about the year just past this time of year. My way is typically not the way of the herd, however this year I will join in and give you my perspective. I decided to review the year also; the year I chose, however, will be 1973.

Chocolate malts, whist and “the Carol Burnett Show” were popular Saturday night activities around the Nelson household in 1973. My memories of playing cards were that I held my cards too far forward so others could them with little effort; this really took away my competitive edge. I loved Carol Burnett, especially when she turned up the house lights and answered questions from the crowd. I must have been approaching puberty at the time as I found Carol Burnett’s brand of humor not only funny but very attractive, a thought that is uncomfortable about which to write. I typically gave into a food coma early on Saturday nights, laying in front of the heat register where we dried all of our winter gloves.

Early morning television was also fantastic in 1973. I used to get up early and watch the test pattern on the television screen until “the Bugs Bunny and Road Runner Show” came on about six in the morning. I loved the inventions that the coyote ordered from the generic “ACME” company is his attempts to capture the Road Runner. Bugs Bunny was equal parts suave and manic, I do believe he and Hawkeye from “MASH” formed most of my sense of humor. I liked the television series MASH so much that I even performed it’s title song for my trombone solo in grade school. Alan Alda later made MASH into a vehicle for his own activism and absolutely dulled its former edginess. It was fantastic though, in ’73.

I was recently reminded of how important a first knife is to a young boy. My first Kabar came along in 1973. One large blade, one small blade, and a rough, bark-like handle into which both blades folded into neatly and compactly. This was the classic Kabar and I was proud of mine. I also got my first compass that year, the kind you pin onto the lapel of your jacket. I’m not sure I even needed a compass but every boy in our family got one for Christmas that year. I’m not sure if 1973 was the year of my first Daisy bb gun or not; however it was right around that time I was first introduced to this fine little lever-action. I still like guns however I learned a lesson the year I received my Daisy. I shot a Robin with it and I felt like the worst person that ever lived after which I stayed with barn swallows. I later learned that swallows eat mosquitoes so I know leave all birds alone-too bad I didn’t know that at the time. The lesson was that sometimes you can’t take it back.

So that is my year in review, probably not what you expected. 1973 was a good year and deserved a review; I’ll leave 2009 to everyone else.
 

Morning snow

Here are some pictures of our snow this morning….I would guess we received about 5-6 inches overnight. Maybe 9-10 inches total.  This is from west of St Hilaire, Minnesota.

Here is what I plan to stare at this morning before I go out and feed the cattle

or this

Black Friday

11-26-2008

 

 

Black Friday

I started this column with a plan to target the poor habits displayed
at most parking lots. Since this Friday marks what is historically
the first day of holiday shopping, I decided to focus my attention both on
what occurs in the parking lot and the shopping the occurs inside the store.

Stores once were small enough that every shopper could park his/her
car against the sidewalk. As stores became larger, they needed large
lots where shoppers could park their cars then walk across incoming
traffic to the store. This is the point at which courtesy took a bow and “might makes right”
became the new order. I think car drivers should know this; the
pedestrian always has the right of way. There is never a time,
whether on the public street or private lot, that you may use your vehicle to legally
kill a pedestrian because you are in a hurry to shop. Those on foot
who don’t wish to test that rule, may want to show some courtesy of
their own by crossing traffic lanes at a ninety degree angle and escape to the
relative safety of the parking lot.

Cars, and their drivers, need not be in motion to create problems in
a parking lot. One of my favorites is when some anarchist parks in
the fire lane. If a fire truck is truly man’s greatest humanity to
man, then blocking the lane reserved for the fire truck must be a sin
of great significance. I also find it charming when someone parks in
the “no-parking” section marked with diagonal yellow lines. I always tell myself
to forgive this indiscretion as it is perhaps an elderly person who has trouble
walking. However, it’s never an older person and in fact it’s usually someone younger than myself
who’s only trouble is an infatuation with laziness. Finally, the
person who is not handicapped but still parks in that stall is beneath
my contempt; their actions may only be a misdemeanor on earth but
will require much explanation in the next world.

Let’s get inside the store, it’s where people lack the anonymity of their
vehicles and shopping becomes personal. I shopped once on the day after Thanksgiving. It was so crowded; we moved as one huge, unstoppable mass except when the weak fell and slowed our progress as they were crushed under the shopping cart wheels. It reminded me of a historical event. During the Canadian Gold Rush of 1898, prospectors had to march one year’s provisions up “the Golden Stairs” which was a mountain pass on the Chilkoot Trail that led to the Klondike. Men walked in lock step and dared not to fall out of line nor stop as they were
part of a massive human conveyor belt which would grind to a halt if one man fell. Canadian Mounties checked to make sure they had brought a full year’s supplies and would not allow passage without these staple items. It all was similar to the store that Friday after Thanksgiving. There were so many shoppers that if even one stopped you could hear the
yelps and groans as shopping carts met Achilles Heal. While there were no Mounties, the
checkout clerks made sure that everyone had bought enough by asking
if they found everything that day. While we weren’t in as dire
straits as the 19th century prospectors had been, we did have common
ground in that our situation was a product of our own greed.

I hope today’s column made you smile or created a different way to look at shopping and parking during the holidays or year-round. It may well have brought
about some questions. However, I suspect the one
question you won’t have to ask me is, “are you going to shop on
Black Friday?”

 

Twas All but a Dream (Christmas poem)

Twas all but a dream

We’ve helped my mother in-law decorate her lawn for Christmas for the last several years. This year she did it by herself because her children and children in-laws were busy (and we’re a little lazy.) Anyway, I’ve always written new lyrics to a traditional Christmas song to describe hanging lights and decorating but this year i wanted to try something different. I used the poem "Twas the Night before Christmas" with new words to create this week’s column.

Please remember, no mother in-law’s feelings were damaged in this production.

 

Twas All but a Dream

 

Twas’ a Saturday last week-end, a time to string lights,

A Mother Walseth Christmas, an event that tests might.

We would work like illegals, under J Walseths direction,

Creating Christmas fantastic, with electrical connection.

Lisa and I snuggled. me driving her Blazer.

Soon a days memories, would need some erasure.

Lisa wore her best kerchief, I a stocking cap,

Resigned to tree trimming, instead of our nap.

From under the hood, there arose such a clatter,

I begged, “Lisa, brave the cold-see what is the matter.”

Into the cold, Lisa flew like a flash,

She effected repair, thereby saving us cash.

The ice on the road from the new fallen snow,

Made me question if to Jeanette’s, we really must go.

When what to my wondering mind should disturb,

A surprising scene, as we pulled to her curb.

Jeanette had done all of the work by herself,

She’d been very productive, like a white-haired elf.

More rapid than an eagle, Jeanette’s really got game,

But she added, she missed us, and calling us names.

“Now Granster, you slacker!” “Now Lisa and Miss T.”

“Get working! work harder! You’re all worthless and weak!”

Put the lights on the porch, put the lights on the wall!

Power’s made me insane, now I command all!

As leaders sometimes find, after loss of position,

The true enjoyment of a task, is in it’s commission.

So up to the task, Jeanette had now risen,

Found the lights from the rafter, some once even missin’.

And then in a twinkling, she’d climbed on the roof,

A 4/12 pitch, she trimmed quickly, then POOF!

Trimming lilacs was tough; such height, such breadth!

This year they’d been easy, the city’d hacked them to death.

Jeanette dressed all in fur, from her head to her boot,

Avoiding nasty frost bite, in 2001, took my foot.

A bundle of joy, she gave all spectators,

But this year we’d no Klub, which is made from fresh Tater’s.

Her eye’s-they were cloudy! (Cataracts from the cold,)

She said, “I’ve an idea, it’s simple yet bold!

Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

“Let’s tear this stuff down, and throw it in the snow.”

The stump of a cigar, she held tight in her mouth,

“Once again, I’ll command, like a General of the South.”

A maniacal grin came upon her sweet face,

“you’ll redecorate my house! Or feel my whip’s embrace!”

I’d seen this change before, from this jolly old elf,

I threw Lisa the keys, and said “save yourself!”

A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,

Informed me I’d have to put all that crap back up, causing me dread.

Suddenly I shook, then woke myself up.

I was safe in my bed; not on a ladder in the back of a truck.

Then laying a finger aside my own nose,

I found Kleenex, to give it a blow.

I’d cleared out my head, my stuffed nose no longer whistled,

Then back to my reveries, about flowers and not thistles.

A Christmas disturbing, like I never had seen,

The good thing was that, Twas all but a dream

 

Travel conditions worsen

I just came to work this morning from west of St Hilaire, Minnesota to Thief River Falls, MN and the roads are already poor. We had a little mist last night and that is now covered by about 2-3 inches of snow. I was able to drive about 40 mph; any greater speed cause me to slide occasionally. One car in the ditch along the road.

Snow

I will be home for most of the impending storm. I plan to blog from our farm west of St Hilaire, Minnesota a little about the storm and snap a few pictures of our cattle and maybe a view from the tractor as I blow snow. It’s a White Christmas!!! ick

Christmas in Five Acts

Christmas in Five Acts

Act I: Let it Snow…

If Currier and Ives had chosen the winter of 2009 for inspiration to make their legendary tins, their Christmas scenes would be very bleak. It has been mostly a gray winter with little snow cover. My hope for snow is simple insulation for our pasture and alfalfa ground, however a white Christmas would be fine. I don’t know that driving winds, sleet or poor driving conditions really bolster my Christmas spirit but you play the hand you’re dealt. Please be careful on the roads and call 4-1-1 for road conditions to avoid risking your life to get home.

Act II: The Christmas Midget

My mother in-law is Jeanette Walseth. Jeanette towers at a little less than five feet tall and has more Christmas spirit than three six footers; therefore I have always called her the Christmas Midget. At a time when most are just getting older, Jeanette seems to be gaining speed. About fifteen years ago, Jeanette wanted to celebrate Christmas with a lawn display. She didn’t buy the yard ornaments but instead purchased the plans, the paint and the plywood then spent several hours following a jigsaw around the outlines. When her neighbors heard the saw, they would stop to see what construction was going on in Santa’s Minnesota annex. She built a nativity scene, Santa’s sleigh, draft reindeer and huge plywood gifts for Santa’s sleigh all by herself. Over the years, she has made the display better and more focused and has tried to kill every one of her family members making us haul all of that well-built stuff from her garage.

Act III: Christmas Midget, subdivision 2

Jeanette brings treats to my workplace during the holidays. Dave Carlson bit into one of Jeanette’s spritz cookies after which I heard an audible gasp. He said it was one of the best cookies he’d ever tasted and requested the recipe. I figured this must be one intricate cookie recipe but here is the truth; it was a mistake. Jeanette was multi-tasking and accidentally added two extra cups of flour to the mix. Even Jeanette’s mistakes turn into Christmas miracles, she’s just that good.

1 Lbs butter, 1 C white sugar, 1 C powdered sugar, 1 egg and (the miraculous mistake) 4 ½ C flour. Reduce the flour for less toothsome texture, make a thumbprint in the middle prior to baking and place chocolate kiss post-oven; they are fantastic.

Act IV: Santa Brooch

I recently recovered a memory from my youth about a really neat Christmas brooch. This holiday badge was Santa’s face and featured a little light for his nose. There was a chain that you pulled whereupon his nose lit up; it was a fantastic icebreaker. I knew I was the coolest kindergartener in Newfolden when I wore that brooch. I loved Christmas, much like Ralphie from “the Christmas Story.” This reminds me, whatever happened to the “leg lamp” from the house on Riverside Avenue? I really miss seeing it, I guess I got used to its place in the holiday.

Act V: Ready for Christmas

I’ve hauled corn for burning, the cattle feeders are full of hay and the cattle are belly deep in straw. We’ve fed the birds, hung our stockings; placed every light on a timer and every snack on a cracker. We are ready for Christmas.
 

My First Christmas Present

Before I start today’s column, I have a request. Will whoever is giving my sister, Deb, clever suggestions for our family Christmas get-together such as “ugly sweater contest” and “Yankee Swap” please stop? You are tearing at the very fiber of our celebration, or at least causing me to roll my eyes often enough to cause strain. GN

 

My First Christmas Present

I go to Christmas concerts mostly to support family members who are participating in them. I do this as my family did for me. I expect some Christmas standards, some religious numbers and maybe something contemporary. Last week, I got more than what I expected.

We attended the Lincoln High School (Thief River Falls, Minnesota) Choral Department’s, “Forever Sing with Joy” last Saturday night. I was immediately struck by how nice the auditorium looked; simple streamers, lights and just the right amount of shadows made it all quite inviting. As the concert began, I felt expectation in the air but had no idea of what was tom come except for what I’d been told.

Director Darcy Reese is an impressive woman; she commands the stage without overtly drawing attention to herself. Her work as a director shows in how well the choir follows her movement; I could focus on her movement and hear her emotions sung by the choir. At one point, the very talented Voce group of seventh and eighth graders were not centered on the risers, their director gave them one subtle move and they found their spots within seconds. Director Reese then turned to those of us in the theatre seats and said in a stage whisper, “they’re new;” the perfectly placed ad-lib.

The processional gave such a sense of occasion; choir members entered singing from all parts of the room which really got my attention. We were treated to everything from traditional Christmas standards during the Community Sing-Along (yes, I did join in) to a serving of “cool” from the Swingsations group. I thought the Concert Choir’s selection of “Ritmo” was really courageous as this large group used every part of themselves to create rhythm, however they carried the day perfectly. It really reminded of how those who make something look easy come to that point only as a result of great effort.

Seventh grade piano player Aaron Fagerstrom plainly and simply rocked, enough said. I really enjoyed the Sayler boys efforts on violin and mandolin during the sing-along also. I think the moment that truly gave me Christmas was the song, “Breath of Heaven,” as sung by Becca Kruta. This song deals with the overwhelming feelings that Mary likely bore when she carried Jesus. The vulnerability, self-doubt and even fear that must have been Mary’s made her plight so real that it made sad enough that I wanted to leave my tiny seat. I thought about not only Mary’s burden but all of those who carry more than their load in life. It would be nice to learn through pleasant experience but pain also makes us grow. I grew in my sorrowful empathy for Mary and it made me understand one more aspect of this beautiful holiday; thank-you for that.

This concert gave my heart just the right amount of squeeze to really enter the holiday mood. It was also an incredible opportunity to hear sounds and ideas that are different from our own. There wove a tapestry of superlatives above the exiting crowd to which I did not add; I could only tell me wife that this experience was “really good.” However, Lisa knows me well enough to understand what I meant. I left the concert elevated and with a desire to do better in my own life which I still have almost a week later. It was a wonderful gift, my first Christmas present of the season.

Christmas letter to Dave

This is your annual Christmas letter and I hope you will open it
without too much expectation. I like low expectations, they are so
easy to satisfy; kind of like the gifts you get from a secret Santa.

I would like to have a few minutes with those who complain about not
having snow at Christmas. We will now have a white Christmas, bully
for you. I myself was happily wearing shorts for brief outdoor
jaunts right up until the whole world went white then froze. It is
supposed to hit 24 below tonight with enough wind chill to convince
even the most hardy not to walk northwest. I could have enjoyed
Christmas above freezing.

I know children will wait for Santa; however my Saint Nick arrives
this next morning. There is no gift greater to me than a semi-tractor
load of beat pulp to feed the cattle. It looks like oatmeal and
smells sweet without being cloying. The cattle absolutely lose their
minds when they see a truck full coming down the road; it is their
cat nip. Troy Pribyl is a skinny Santa but drives the sleigh that
brings this lovely mash that makes me seem benevolent towards my
cattle and causes them to drool.

The last time we spoke, you had just removed the basement concrete
floor from your home in Carrington, North Dakota. Most people splurge
during the holidays on vacations or fancy cars, however we Nelsons
splurge on concrete. I suspect the concrete will bring more happiness
than a Caribbean cruise.

I recently did a little public speaking, Dave. Public speaking isn’t
the death most people think it is; especially if you have a nice
audience. I spoke in front of the women of Trinity Church. They were
so nice to me, fed me very well and I think they enjoyed my
presentation on Christmas. I can’t say how professional I am, however
I would never blink when it comes to my sincerity on the subject. It
put me in the Christmas spirit and I also got a good recipe for the
cabbage salad that was part of the evening’s meal.

I think most of our area harvests now lie in bins and elevators.
There was much worry until a peaceable November came along and gave
area farmers the chance to finish up their work. I think we combined
our corn last year on December 16th by floating the header of a
combine along the top of the snow drifts. We have no where near the
snowfall this year however have way more cold than last year. We
could use a little snow to insulate the ground and all of the water
pipe it contains, always a concern.

It will be nice to see you and your family at Christmas, Dave. I hope
you have a wonderful season and can enjoy a little quiet time
standing on your new basement floor.

Your little bro’